Store-bought granola is for the weak.

I guess summer is finally here! I can tell because I am covered in mosquito bites from fieldwork, and I’m always vaguely sweaty. I caught a hummingbird at work yesterday. Do you know how small those fuckers are? I promise you, at LEAST 50% smaller than you think. Their nest is the size of a QUARTER, YOU GUYS. The damn bird was as big as a bumblebee. I died. I didn’t get a picture, so here’s a pretty little Kentucky Warbler.

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Bitchin’ Roast Chicken

Did you want to get intimate with a dead chicken today? Oh, ok.

ROAST CHICKEN – impress friends, lovers, countrymen. Win affections, sow favors, get laid, throw it at the president. I don’t care what you do with this thing, but maybe eating it is a good idea.

This thing is much easier to make than it looks, so if you’re already thinking “I am not worthy of greatness”, then please take a deep breath, assume a power stance, and be a confident, independent soul. Continue reading

Spring Risotto with Green Garlic and Mushrooms

Oh, guys. Its spraaaang time! Hurray! I just got my first CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) share from a local farm, and it’s got some delicious shit in it. Carrots, radishes, lettuces, lots of early spring stuff. There was something in it I’d never seen before, though. They looked like green onions, but the stalks were longer, and the leaves were pointed and flat, not round. Perplexed, I did as our people have done for thousands of years, to great fame and fortune: I stuck it in my mouth. And by jove, it tasted just like garlic!

Ignore the giant thing, that's a leek.

Ignore the giant thing, that’s a leek.

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YOU GUYS IT’S SUPER PI DAY AND I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE IT

GUESS WHAT DUDES IT’S PI DAY, ONE OF MY FAVORITE DAYS! But this year, it is so much more than that!

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3/14/15 9:26:53. 3.141592653. TEN DIGITS, COUNT THEM. I have already experienced this amazing moment this morning, and look forward to experiencing it again in the PM. Pi is a magical number, Pie is a magical dessert, and Super Pi(e) Day is a magical, magical day for us all, and won’t come around again until 2115! It’s rarer (more rare?) than Halley’s Comet!  Today is also the Saturday before Saint Patrick’s Day but if you think I like green beer more than pie YOU WOULD BE VERY WRONG. Continue reading

Dinner Party Twofer: Pulled pork and Chocolate Almond Torte

I had a dinner party this weekend! I love dinner parties, because they are generally parties that consist of dinner. That is a very good thing. My apartment is a bit cramped for 8 people, and I only actually own 5 chairs, but we managed to make it happen. And guess what? IT WAS A MURDER MYSTERY DINNER PARTY. Oh yes. Mystery, intrigue, betrayal, and cake. We had a grand ole time. The murder was set in New Orleans, so we all got to try our hand at having a horrible southern accent. I played the part of Cayenne Pepper, a successful chef with a dark secret. Yep. I wasn’t the murderer, but not for lack of trying.

Anyway, the subject of this post is prepping for a dinner party. Do you find the thought of cooking food for a large number of people alarming? Calm your tits, we’re going to put those fears to rest.

Tired of this happening EVERY time you try to host an event?

Tired of this happening EVERY time you try to put out a cheese plate for your guests?? You and me, both.

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