BRUCE BOGTROTTER’S CHOCOLATE CAKE

My blog turned one whole year old at the beginning of March! Can you believe it?

I’m going to cut to the chase.

Remember this movie?

If you don’t, then get out.

Thai Chicken Soup, Soup-a Doop

…SOUP-A DOOP A DOOP A DOOP

SEASONS BURRITINGS

Ugh. I burned the everloving shit out of my arm while making banana bread on Friday. Beware, serious NSFW shit below:

UGH IT’S AWFUL IT’S UNSIGHTLY SOMEONE CALL THE BURN UNIT

In all seriousness though, the top layer of skin is now falling off of my arm and it hurts. Fuck banana bread. You will never, EVER get a blog post on this amazing banana bread now, because we are in a feud. Tender, delicious banana bread… where did we go wrong?

This post is about burritos instead.

PANCAKES IN A DORM ROOM.

Hey. Did you guys know that trying to study birds in floodplain forest is FUCKING INSANE? Did you know why? BECAUSE FLOODPLAIN FOREST FLOODS, DUMMY.

HAHAHAHAHHA IT’S FINE YOU GUYS

I was so traumatized that I needed to take four months off of my food blog. But don’t worry, I’ve totally still been eating food, sort of. Shout out to the 1,000 burritos I’ve eaten from the place two blocks from my apartment. I’m only sort of kidding.

Anyway, immediately after my project ended for the summer, I fled to a tropical island where my friend Laura is in medical school. Have you heard? Laura is great.

A pie crust, a peach pie, and rage.

As you may or may not recall, on Pi day I promised to teach you how to make pie crust. And the fulfillment of that promise has been a long time coming, because I hate making pie crust. But here it is, you selfish bastards.

However, that’s not all. Not only did I make a pie crust, but I put a fucking pie inside of it. Amazing, right? It’s a mother-flomping peach pie, because of summer reasons. I’ll go over the making of the crust first, followed by the pie itself.

You jagweeds.

I did it. I made the best chocolate chip cookie.

Hey guys. Something happened to me this week.

I wanted a cookie. I really, really wanted a cookie.

Oh Damn! Pots and Pans

Well good! Good good good. It’s been raining for several days and I am unable to go to work, because you can’t capture birds when it’s raining – truth. But I need to work. Because it’s my dissertation research. So I’m bouncing off the goddamn walls. What’s more, is that my aunt and uncle just had a party and then went out of town so I got ALL THE DELICIOUS LEFTOVERS. So I can’t even cook something for a blog post! My life is, like, 2unfair.

So here’s a followup to one of my first blog posts about necessary tools. This one is about pots and pans. Let’s get into it, if only to prevent me from watching another episode of Parks and Rec, for fuuuuucks sake.

Store-bought granola is for the weak.

I guess summer is finally here! I can tell because I am covered in mosquito bites from fieldwork, and I’m always vaguely sweaty. I caught a hummingbird at work yesterday. Do you know how small those fuckers are? I promise you, at LEAST 50% smaller than you think. Their nest is the size of a QUARTER, YOU GUYS. The damn bird was as big as a bumblebee. I died. I didn’t get a picture, so here’s a pretty little Kentucky Warbler.

Bitchin’ Roast Chicken

Did you want to get intimate with a dead chicken today? Oh, ok.

ROAST CHICKEN – impress friends, lovers, countrymen. Win affections, sow favors, get laid, throw it at the president. I don’t care what you do with this thing, but maybe eating it is a good idea.

This thing is much easier to make than it looks, so if you’re already thinking “I am not worthy of greatness”, then please take a deep breath, assume a power stance, and be a confident, independent soul.

Spring Risotto with Green Garlic and Mushrooms

Oh, guys. Its spraaaang time! Hurray! I just got my first CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) share from a local farm, and it’s got some delicious shit in it. Carrots, radishes, lettuces, lots of early spring stuff. There was something in it I’d never seen before, though. They looked like green onions, but the stalks were longer, and the leaves were pointed and flat, not round. Perplexed, I did as our people have done for thousands of years, to great fame and fortune: I stuck it in my mouth. And by jove, it tasted just like garlic!

Ignore the giant thing, that’s a leek.